Am I a Sex/Relationship Addict?

Ask yourself the following ten questions to help you decide if you have a problem with sexual or relationship addiction. For each question, answer Yes or No for the sexual or romantic activity that affects you. This test was adapted from the ten clinical criteria, developed by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., which are used to help therapists and their clients assess for sex addiction. [1]

Am I a Sex/Relationship Addict?

1.    I can’t stop some kinds of sexual or romantic behavior, even though I want to stop.

2.    I do it more intensely than I want or longer than I want.

3.    I keep trying to stop, reduce, or control it, but I can’t.

4.    I spend way too long seeking it, doing it, or recovering from it.

5.    I can’t stop thinking about seeking it, doing it, or recovering from it.

6.    I do it instead of things that are important to me, like work, school, home, or social commitments.

7.    I keep doing it, even though I know it’s causing big or repeat problems in my social, financial, psychological, or physical life, or making the problems worse.

8.    I’m building up a tolerance—I need more intensity of what I do to get the same effect.

9.    I’m giving up or limiting social, work, or fun activities because of it.

10.I feel bad, scared, restless, or irritable/angry if I can’t do it, or if I try to stop.

If you answered Yes to three or more of the ten questions, you may benefit from consulting a professional trained in sex and relationship addiction therapy to help explore whether or not there is a significant problem and, if so, what you can do about it. Sex addiction ruins and ends lives; it is not something to ignore or minimize. Like any addiction it is progressive and can be fatal. If someone you love has a problem, getting specialized therapy to help you navigate your own journey can make a vital difference. You can find a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) in your area, or arrange distance therapy, through the Find a Therapist page on the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) website at www.iitap.com, or by calling 1-866-575-6853. You may also take more comprehensive self-assessment tests at www.sexhelp.com. See the Resources section for more information.

If you suspect you are a sex/relationship addict, you may also find help by attending several 12-Step sexual recovery meetings to see if you can relate to what you hear. If you suspect a loved one is addicted to sex, you can attend an open 12-Step meeting in a sexual recovery fellowship to learn more; there are fellowships for partners and families of sex addicts to get more support. See the Resources section for a list of some 12-Step fellowships; many have their own self-assessment tests on their websites.

12-Step Programs for Sexual/Relationship Addiction

Support sites for those struggling with their own sexual or relationship addiction.

Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA): 713-869-4902, www.saa-recovery.org

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA): www.slaafws.org

Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA): 800-977-4325, www.sca-recovery.org

Sexual Recovery Anonymous (SRA): www.sexualrecovery.org

Support for people whose lives have been affected by someone else’s sexual or relationship addiction.

Codependents of Sex Addicts (COSA): 866-899-2672, www.cosa-recovery.org

CoSex and Love Addicts Anonymous Connecticut (COSLAA): 860-456-0032, www.coslaa.org

S-Anon: 615-833-3152, www.sanon.org

Support for couples affected by addiction, often with a sex addiction focus.

Recovering Couples Anonymous (RCA): 877-663-2317, www.recovering-couples.org

 For a compassionate, clear overview of addiction, watch this short video.

More info available at https://www.sexhelp.com/am-i-a-sex-addict/

[1] Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., “Sexual Addiction and Compulsion: Recognition, Treatment & Recovery,” CNS Spectrums 5, no. 10 (Oct. 2000): 4